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Reject Me, Please

Posted on August 28, 2015 under Coaching, Leadership, Mindset

Late Saturday night I was walking home from a dinner party when I turned the corner on my block and I suddenly stepped into a dramatic lovers' quarrel.

The man was shouting “Christine, PLEASE!” and the woman briefly turned around to shoot him a look that could kill and then promptly kept marching down the street in her high heels. It was uncomfortable to witness for sure.

Clearly, rejection stings. It's not one of the finer moments in life, but it is familiar interaction within relationships of all kinds.

We cannot control everything that happens to us, but we do have the power to choose how we react and that makes all the difference.

Effective management of rejection is a critical skill that supports resilience, learning, and innovation. This ultimately leads to positive thinking and results.

Each of us has our own default, unconscious way of reacting to rejection or other undesirable feelings. The potential for growth lies in our awareness that different behavioral opportunities exist for us in every situation.

I'm a fan of the Energy Leadership model created by iPEC to provide options of how to modulate our responses. I find the 7 level model to be similar in spirit to the yogic Chakra system, but more in tune with business demands.

Using rejection as the example within the model, and in incredibly simplistic terms, here's how you might measure your next move.

  1. “I lose.” I am a rejected victim.
  2. “I lose, so therefore, you must lose too.” I am angry about your rejection.
  3. “I win, and hopefully you win, too.” I  see the silver lining in the rejection.
  4. “You win.” I empathize with your rejection.
  5. “We all win or no one wins.” I see the potential the rejection creates.
  6. “We always win.” The rejection is raising all boats.
  7. “Winning and loosing are illusions.”  Rejection “is” and we witness it.

Which level is your typical “go-to” reaction? Where would you like to operate from instead?

Your homework is to visualize a situation in when you recently felt rejected – such as getting passed over for a promotion, not securing the job offer, or not winning a new client – and work through the steps to recreate possibilities.

What would you have done differently? How will you decide to act in the future?

Let me know your results!

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